Documenting my journey

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MonicaGoos
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Documenting my journey

Post by MonicaGoos » Mon Jul 26, 2021 6:10 pm

Thank you Amanita Dreamer for responding to the call of the mushrooms and bringing this information to a suffering and struggling world. I have had a history of "mental health" issues since I was in my early 20's beginning with a psychotic break that sent me into the psych ward for 30 days and produced diagnoses from bipolar disorder to schizophrenia and had me severely drugged up, after a few months one day I forgot to take my meds and instantly felt better so back then I stopped them cold turkey, had a short relapse within the year but then had smooth sailing until my mid 30's. I had a brief episode then and got through it quickly and then nothing until May 2020 a year after the sudden and unexpected death of my husband which again sent me to the psych ward. In May 2021 it recurred again and this time for a 3 week stay again with lots of antipsychotics and other drugs which turned me into a zombie. After my first episode back in the 1980's I looked into ways of managing my condition naturally and turned to many holistic energy based therapies mostly centered around clearing out limiting beliefs, stuck emotions and trauma including One Brain Integration, The Sedona Method, Sanskrit Mantra, Binaural Beat music, Heart and Soul Healing, Mind Field Repatterning, Frequency and Sound Healing, Divine Intervention, Attractor Field Therapy, Access Consciousness and Light Language and they are just the ones I can remember, I learned all of them and used them to keep things stable and unmedicated for most of my adult life. Each time that I had one of these "episodes" I lose consciousness entirely with no recognition or understanding of who I am or what is happening to me until I pop back into my body and find myself in restraints or in a hospital ward highly drugged up and forced to participate in "group" activities. My new life partner Dave L'Hommedieu introduced me to the concept of entheogens for mental health and he found Dreamer's info and we have been diving in to learn more. Each of the episodes over the course of my life was precipitated by heightened spiritual experiences of one sort or another and a number of my shamans/healers wonder if it could be related to spiritual expansion that happens too quickly to be properly integrated. So, that all leads me to believe that this will either be the stupidest or the bravest thing I ever do, I am currently weaned off of all meds and Dave prepared some Soma which we have begun microdosing yesterday. As an interesting aside, in May 2021 when I was 3 weeks in the psych ward, Dave was here at my home trying to cope with my being gone and during that time on my property (and only on my property) we had an early flush of Amanita Muscaria which brought him tremendous joy, he photographed them, watered them, harvested them and now some of them are in the Soma. I believe that this early flush came to both of us through the sentience of this mushroom reaching out to us. The sense I had this morning is that the mushroom contains all of the wisdom of all "healing modalities" and that will become evident with time, continued use and developing a relationship with her. Since all of my issues had a deeply spiritual component to them, I am looking forward to experiencing the wisdom of the mushroom and getting a fresh new understanding from her. One of the greatest challenges I have at the moment is complete lack of motivation or interest in anything but I am looking forward to this journey and will continue to post updates here.
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SummerElse

MonicaGoos
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Re: Documenting my journey

Post by MonicaGoos » Wed Jul 28, 2021 12:58 am

So, I have had a truly awful headache now for several days. Possibly still feeling the effects of withdrawal from psych meds. The pain was severe in the left hemisphere of my brain, my eyes, cheeks, teeth, and jaw. Nothing gave me any relief so I tried the soma that Dave made yesterday, I probably had about a quarter cup total and happy to report within 30 minutes I am pain free. If the mushroom works this well on my physical body, I am looking forward to seeing how this works with the mental health issues that have plagued me for 35 years now. I will keep posting my experiences.
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Re: Documenting my journey

Post by MonicaGoos » Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:56 am

I have been taking the soma for 3 days now and have had some interesting experiences. I sleep well and have an active dreaming mind most of the night, however when I wake up in the morning I am getting clarity on a number of my lifelong patterns that leave me feeling very depressed. I am wondering if it is the Amanita pushing my unresolved emotional content to the surface for me to begin to address. It takes some effort and mental gymnastics to get me out of the funk but once I am able to shift my thinking I am functioning well and managing the tasks that I need to handle throughout the day. This morning I also had an experience of being in an active dreaming state and awake at the same time.
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Re: Documenting my journey

Post by MonicaGoos » Sun Aug 01, 2021 6:19 pm

The depression that I felt after microdosing the Amanita has dissipated for the most part after talking to my partner Dave about the feelings and emotions that came up and put me into that state. Another layer lifted. After several days of using Soma while I am taking the days off from the Amanita I am microdosing with psilocybin. I am extremely sensitive to "medications" and when I was prescribed Escitalopram 10mg last year I was told it would take 2-3 weeks to notice an effect, I noticed an effect within 30 minutes and it is a very effective anti depressant for me although I only took it for a few months and while it was prescribed to me again in this most recent cocktail of meds (Haloperidol 10mg, Trazodone 150mg, Benztropine 1mg, Divalproex ER 500mg), I am no longer taking any of them. When I took my first microdose of psilocybin I felt it hit my brain within 2 minutes and it had the effect of giving me sustained energy throughout the day. I have been listening to the interviews on Psychadelics Revealed and one of the Researchers was asked if there are people who should avoid this type of therapy and it was said that the current view among researchers is that it is probably not a good idea for people with a history of psychosis as there is an increased possibility of another Psychotic Break. Since I fall into that category I feel it is extremely important for me to continue to document my journey with these substances as I am truly a guinea pig in that aspect. I have a stable home situation and a strong support group with Dave and another roommate, both of whom have been here for me through 2 extreme psychotic breaks. Today was day 2 on psilocybin microdose and I am having a very good, productive day.
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Re: Documenting my journey

Post by MonicaGoos » Tue Sep 14, 2021 9:15 pm

I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since I last posted! I have been alternating psilocybin microdosing and Amanita, psilo every 3 days or so and Amanita in between sometimes. I have not taken a macro or hero's dose of either yet but with my history of psychosis I am taking it low and slow. Some of the changes that I have noticed since beginning all this in July is greatly reduced anxiety, feeling more connected to everyone and everything, and no recurrences of psychosis. I am still experiencing mood swings and I woke up yesterday morning angry at the world and I spent most of the day angry and depressed and my partner Dave helped talk me through it and then suggested an Amanita dose before bed. We had some soma ice cubes in the freezer so I defrosted 4 of them at midnight which should be a pretty big dose and it took me an hour to fall asleep. I don't remember any dreams from last night and I know a lot of people don't feel or experience anything on Amanita in small doses, and I am definitely in that group. It's probably why I am more devoted to the psilo dosing and use Amanita sporadically. However, I did notice that when I woke up today I was no longer angry or depressed and I managed to spend the day paying bills, making phone calls, and handling the details of my life with relative grace whereas in the past this kind of a funk would have lasted several weeks during which it would have been all I could do to get things done at the very last minute and mail would have piled up unopened. I attribute the quick recovery from the funk to the Amanita and I am looking forward to harvest time here in Arkansas which should be in just a few weeks if we start getting some rain here soon. I think spending time in the woods foraging for this mushroom will do me a world of good. Will update again soon.

HunterGatherer
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Re: Documenting my journey

Post by HunterGatherer » Mon Sep 20, 2021 12:45 pm

Thank you for documenting your journey and trying to test the natural route of healing, which I believe is the right way.
My wife is concerned about her mental health being unravelled by 'magic' mushrooms, but your story is helpful so far.
Maybe the warnings are most relevant to having a massive 'trip' without easing into and understanding the mushroom's effects.

Just reading through your journey so far, I was reminded of recent breakthroughs I've had. (Not with A.M or psilocybin)

I recently learned some core stoic principles, which really helped me get over some unhelpful thought loops I would get stuck in.
Some being, re-imagining past arguments and having them again in my head, failings in life and not responding effectively to bullyish behaviour (At the time or afterwards in my thoughts about it).
Here's a good summary:
https://becomingbetter.org/10-essential ... -stoicism/

I will also be trying Amanita soon, microdosing sounds like a good starting point.

I look forward to hearing more about your healing.

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