I'm going to use this thread to keep you all updated on my journey and the weather and picking conditions here in the East of The Netherlands. Fellow Dutchies, feel free to chime in and maybe form a bit of a local community here. I think it might be worth a try.
I left the long video Amanita made about her battle with benzos for last until this morning. I knew it was going to be a soulstomper for me and i did not feel up to watching it just yet. I delay these things for obvious reasons.
Holy cow, was i not wrong about that. I kept my composure until she said somehing about waking up and thinking ' ohh god... not ANOTHER day. I exploded into tears, because i know this feeling far to well. And about wanting to live but not seeing how anymore.... and then to have to go through another day of the same pain and it just does not end but you want it to end so bad it rips your will to live right out of you.
I could go on and on about all the mental and physical horrors i have been through, but the fact is, i am much better now and i don't feel like dwelling on the past too much. It already cost me decades of my life. I have truely been alive for just the past year or so. I am now 1 years old!
So anyway. After i watched the video this morning, i wiped the tears and crud from my eyes and got into my jacket. It looked sunny but there is a harsh wind blowing and it's watery cold. I asked the mushroom (psylo) where i should go to meet their friend. It told me where to go and the last few golden leaves of the birches in the area spurred me on and cheered. Over here! Over here! Come on!
I knew there would not be anything for me to find but wind dried corpses, but i played the game with it, bursting over the sandy paths by bycicle through the farmland, startling the farmwives. They know i'm not from there, i know i'm out of place, we greet and that's that but found TONS of really excellent spots where they will grow next year! Far more birches than i would have thought, lots of mixed woodlots with birch and even a pine/birch woodlot with, you know where they love it, sheltered from the wind, sparse yellow grassy, shrubby type habitat, birch, pine, sparse leaf covering. Excellent. Wow.
The season is over in this area. I will try to source them elsewhere, but i am not desperate. I have ample storage for them when the time comes (German weck jars) and do have the dehydrators. A random customer in the store i work for, dropped off incredible number of weck jars for me in my boss' office, just the day before. She was slightly miffed but laughed ' Ahh ffs... just get them out of here!' Haha. I love her. I'm not even surprised, because it all HAS been pooling together lately. Clearly, the universe wants me to stick around.
I add, i am not at all suicidal. Have not been for a year. Closing this to see what our local ebay has to throw my way. I'm perfectly willing to wait another year, if must be. I know i can get through that. It won't be a problem.
Editing to add: no amanitas on our ebay, but i did run into a bookseller that offers Kevin Feeney's book, fly agaric. Niche specialty book for sure, with matching pricetag. I will have to set aside some savings for that, because i must have it. I'm not the type to curl up with some frivolous novel, don't care. Now this, i would totally devour, though. Books like this are incredibly rare. The garden is payed up for next year and pretty much dormant, so my money will go towards that instead. It is available on marktplaats, guys! Fly Agaric is the title, but will pop up when searching Amanita too.
Feel free to discuss what you want.
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