Hero dose ?

[lonelyson94]

Hello, you can call me lonelyson, or just son

I'm gonna leave a short intro about myself in the introductions thread but I really wanted to ask a specific question and see how my experience of Amanitas so far compares to others.

I have only done one hero dose, as part of a ceremony with my partner. We have both been microdosing for a week or so at that point but we both felt pulled to do a larger dose on 18th Dec.

Now I will be honest, I overdid it by accident. We made a tea with 30grams, we only drank maybe 2/3 of the total between us. HOWEVER, I had the idea that I didn't want to throw away the spent mushrooms ( I have a thing about waste, grew up in poverty and I hate wasting anything!). So I blended the soggy caps into fermented pancakes (similar to ethiopian Injera) and we snacked on these alongside the tea. At some point I decided I'd gotten what i wanted from the tea and I wasn't gonna drink anymore, but completely forgot the pancakes had the caps and continued eating these for the next day and a half. I lost track of time and reality quiet badly and attributed it to the come down or to fatigue. I tried to sleep it off, drink water and meditate but i just kept spiralling. All the while snacking on the pancakes

Then it happened, I entered the eternal void where a lonely god hallucinates and I felt myself as simply a distraction for a lonely insane god. i absolutely lost my mind, i had no idea how long i was there and no way out. Nothing was real, nothing could be real. I thought my life as i know it was over and I could never be myself again. sheer panic and confusion and daze, it was honestly horror. I just wanted to leave, i did not want to accept this as the truth no matter what but was trapped there. Eventually I told my partner what was happening in my head and asked him if I had lost it. This is when he reminded me I had been eating the caps in the pancakes and it was probably contributing to my spiralling. I had no recollection of putting the caps in the pancake mix but him reminding me jolted my memory and i felt so relieved that I wasn't crazy.

I've since started to integrate this with my therapist but I'm still left with a sense of deep loneliness or maybe it just illuminated the loneliness that was already there?

So my question, has anyone else experienced this and if so what do you make of it? Is this just the nature of the universe or my own fears??

[Arktos]

I have my own thoughts about this but I am too early in use to really know. I think your reasoning is right, though.

[lonelyson94]

I have my own thoughts about this but I am too early in use to really know. I think your reasoning is right, though.

I would like to hear your thoughts if you would like to share? Have you had a similar experience?

Thank you for responding!

[Arktos]

AmanitaDreamer gave a valid answer.

[Arktos]

Hello, you can call me lonelyson, or just son

I'm gonna leave a short intro about myself in the introductions thread but I really wanted to ask a specific question and see how my experience of Amanitas so far compares to others.

I have only done one hero dose, as part of a ceremony with my partner. We have both been microdosing for a week or so at that point but we both felt pulled to do a larger dose on 18th Dec.

Now I will be honest, I overdid it by accident. We made a tea with 30grams, we only drank maybe 2/3 of the total between us. HOWEVER, I had the idea that I didn't want to throw away the spent mushrooms ( I have a thing about waste, grew up in poverty and I hate wasting anything!). So I blended the soggy caps into fermented pancakes (similar to ethiopian Injera) and we snacked on these alongside the tea. At some point I decided I'd gotten what i wanted from the tea and I wasn't gonna drink anymore, but completely forgot the pancakes had the caps and continued eating these for the next day and a half. I lost track of time and reality quiet badly and attributed it to the come down or to fatigue. I tried to sleep it off, drink water and meditate but i just kept spiralling. All the while snacking on the pancakes

Then it happened, I entered the eternal void where a lonely god hallucinates and I felt myself as simply a distraction for a lonely insane god. i absolutely lost my mind, i had no idea how long i was there and no way out. Nothing was real, nothing could be real. I thought my life as i know it was over and I could never be myself again. sheer panic and confusion and daze, it was honestly horror. I just wanted to leave, i did not want to accept this as the truth no matter what but was trapped there. Eventually I told my partner what was happening in my head and asked him if I had lost it. This is when he reminded me I had been eating the caps in the pancakes and it was probably contributing to my spiralling. I had no recollection of putting the caps in the pancake mix but him reminding me jolted my memory and i felt so relieved that I wasn't crazy.

I've since started to integrate this with my therapist but I'm still left with a sense of deep loneliness or maybe it just illuminated the loneliness that was already there?

So my question, has anyone else experienced this and if so what do you make of it? Is this just the nature of the universe or my own fears??

This is part of amanita and how she works. You're not crazy but I went through this and I too felt crazy. It took about 9 months for it to pass into freedom. I can say however, I doubt it had much to do with the pancakes. When you make the tea you pull 80 to 90% of the actives out. The higher heat when making pancakes likely destroyed the rest. If you got any actives it would have been very very little. Amanita continues to affect after high doses, sometimes for a week or more. When I ceremony and lead ceremonies and smoke high levels it takes me a week settle back into my normal working state.
This is part of the journey, congratulations for taking it.

[lonelyson94]

Thank you for your reply. I am still sitting with it, things are becoming apparent - I am kind of in shock. Am I really capable of transforming so dramatically I keep asking myself, but I see glimpses of a me without so much pain. Am I even capable of simply seeing myself from a third perspective? Seems so alien yet familiar and just right to feel this way. I think I didnt want to believe I could be ok after all this time but time, the thing I have feared all my life, is my new best friend. With time I can be anything, with time I can even believe that statement more fully too. I'm just in disbelief, thank you so much for sharing what you know.

[Arktos]

Thank you amanitadreamer for the experience.

[Arktos]

Also, thank you, Son, for sharing your experience. Regarding my dark past I don’t think finding myself in an empty void with a lonely god would disturb me very much. ”I knew it”, would probably be my thought…

[lonelyson94]

Thank you amanitadreamer for the experience. I have microdosed for only two weeks and I don’t get affected, but something is happening that is hard to describe. If the perspective is maybe almost a year I really have to be patient then. It is hard after 50 years of pain and stress to wait for sameting that maybe can help at last. To me it is ok if I can manage two hours a day, which is my level at my good (less bad) days. I want to meet Amanita soon, but for that the bought tincture will not do, it is too weak. So I plan to get caps and have worked out a recipe of my own of soma, based on some science I have read and some thoughts of my own.

Its hard to wait friend but we will be ok. I feel like the changes I am experiencing are almost easy to miss on a daily basis but dramatic over the course of weeks if that makes sense. I liken it to the analogy of the frog in a pot: The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked.

That same analogy but in reverse! As though I had always been in boiling water and only now its slowly cooling down. I don't perceive the change in real time as clearly as if I was suddenly removed from hot water and placed into cool water. And I still feel overheated but over time it becomes apparent I'm not boiling anymore at least.

I would recommend continuing the microdosing if that's still possible for you. I will say my microdose amount, after some trial and error, is on the larger side but that may just be due to my current batch of Amanitas which are late season mushrooms. I hope you do get to meet the mushroom, I wish you all the best with your journey <3

[BlueHermit21]

Had an accidental hero dose, and it was all of it:
Going somehow upstairs to the bathroom (no recollection how I got there until I was there.
Then back, no recollection of walking downstairs but remembering how I fell onto cardboard and my sense of touch was very enhanced and thats how I recognized I was in the wrong room.

I vomited unfortunately right between shower and sink (easy to clean in the morning ）

Then I was suddenly on my knees touching my sheepskin rug, and movin to far where I touched furniture and realized, wrong corner. Touched finally ladder carpet and climbed up to my highbed.
Back in bed I realized thre different realities happening
(Trip to the bathroom, vomiting, being back in bed) it seemed all distorted and it seemed I had 3 life reviews - in the end it snapped all back into ONE reality, where I was realizing I was in bed and trippin.
Then I was urged to write things down (around 5am) but my vision was so blurred and they told me to lie back down so I would stop the rapid heart beat and jerky movements - I followed instructions and they told me quite a it which I wrote down.
3Russian shamans they said, I could feel their mirth and how they struggled dictating in English (since I do not speak Russian so far) but learning it now!
They said tea would suffice from now on.

Yesterday I took a minor dose with nice herbal honey tea, so delicious - but it was a potent one !

Took the last bit of tea around 11pm.
Felt tired quite quickly..so I went to bed.
Woke up at midnight having to empty my bladder!
They find that funny my weak bladderbut no problem, I felt just a little bit drowsy but nowhere near as jerky as last time, just a gentle trance like state, where you are still very conscious where and who you are, just minus the left hemisphere brain chatter!
No falling or walking in the wrong room like last time
Back to bed:
Feeling so grateful that the tears run down my cheeks, omg so grateful!
And I said thank you over and over!
Left hemisphere brainchatter turned off.
No doubting. Just TRUST
And they were happy that now I know how the works and trust the process, no fear like last time! Only trust and gratitude!
Heart was beating a bit fast but after 5 min it calmed down. it comes in waves!
Body felt numb but I could move it, no problem.
Just felt this deep inner silence! Ahhh wonderful!!
And I just listened to an audio that came through.

my guides (Pilzwesen /shamanic Elders) told me last night, not to worry!!!
It was a mistake with the salary issue!!
Today I got the email at least! Confirming what was said to me! what a relief!!!
So I at least can start this Year with some peace of mind!!
I am like: damn I really need to trust, what they are telling me, it is the truth!!
But that's exactly it: we are still being confronted by "earth stuff" - as they call it...
however, by taking you start to take things lighter, not worry so much and trust more.

The German video I watched yesterday, about the author of the witchcraft book.
Sorry could not find an English video but here is a weblink at least - When you scroll down, the interview is in English I think. Have just listened to the introduction!
http://outofthisworld1150.com/guests/dr ... ter-storl/
He has a Ph.D. in Anthropology (magna cum laude) from Berne, Switzerland, and has taught in India and in the United States, and he has traveled and conducted research in South Asia, India, Mexico, the Canary Islands, South Africa, and much of Europe, pursuing ethnobotanical and ethnomedicinal interests.
he seems like a decent guy, down to earth, he has learned from indigenous people all around the world, he says he is not an esotheric, he is into the REAL experience the way Native American's communicate with nature, becoming empty (letting go of left hemisphere stuff) and listening.
And that is what helps you with too!
He said, Fly Agaric calms down your Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight /Flight) and amplyfies the Parasympathetic Nervous System so you get all relaxed and calm..

But with I feel just clearly what I don't like about this earth stuff but somehow I don't identify that extremely, don't get angry as before, without being able to calm down, so my guess is, that big trip really shifted things in my brain.
So, you get confronted with the same stuff but, you react differently in a healtthier, more balanced way, and if you get too worked up about stuff, just take another dose, like I did, yesterday, and it will pull you out of the brain chatter into trust..
I am so surprised how this has worked out!
interesting isn't it??

I had to let go of the pain feeling abandoned by my mother!
Let it go!
And I also had to let go the pain caused through my dad
And I had to let go of the pain from the cult.
I let it go, made peace.
They said thats earth stuff and things happen on earth!

I felt guilty for what I had done, they just said, it's earth stuff, you had to survive, and you did!

They were not in the least interested about that, just ompletely brushed it over - it's earth stuff, things happen and we just moved on to the next topic...
such a different approach for once NOT being critucized, or accused and or shamed.

They just said: earth stuff.
Things happen!
Let it go!
Forgive yourself!
And I did that too

Then I fell asleep for real!
Today I went for a walk into the forest. Feeling deep peace!

So I think one needs to trust the process and also not share with the wrong people who are dismissive and fearful, not knowing about such things...