Hero dose ?
Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2021 3:28 pm
Hello, you can call me lonelyson, or just son
I'm gonna leave a short intro about myself in the introductions thread but I really wanted to ask a specific question and see how my experience of Amanitas so far compares to others.
I have only done one hero dose, as part of a ceremony with my partner. We have both been microdosing for a week or so at that point but we both felt pulled to do a larger dose on 18th Dec.
Now I will be honest, I overdid it by accident. We made a tea with 30grams, we only drank maybe 2/3 of the total between us. HOWEVER, I had the idea that I didn't want to throw away the spent mushrooms ( I have a thing about waste, grew up in poverty and I hate wasting anything!). So I blended the soggy caps into fermented pancakes (similar to ethiopian Injera) and we snacked on these alongside the tea. At some point I decided I'd gotten what i wanted from the tea and I wasn't gonna drink anymore, but completely forgot the pancakes had the caps and continued eating these for the next day and a half. I lost track of time and reality quiet badly and attributed it to the come down or to fatigue. I tried to sleep it off, drink water and meditate but i just kept spiralling. All the while snacking on the pancakes
Then it happened, I entered the eternal void where a lonely god hallucinates and I felt myself as simply a distraction for a lonely insane god. i absolutely lost my mind, i had no idea how long i was there and no way out. Nothing was real, nothing could be real. I thought my life as i know it was over and I could never be myself again. sheer panic and confusion and daze, it was honestly horror. I just wanted to leave, i did not want to accept this as the truth no matter what but was trapped there. Eventually I told my partner what was happening in my head and asked him if I had lost it. This is when he reminded me I had been eating the caps in the pancakes and it was probably contributing to my spiralling. I had no recollection of putting the caps in the pancake mix but him reminding me jolted my memory and i felt so relieved that I wasn't crazy.
I've since started to integrate this with my therapist but I'm still left with a sense of deep loneliness or maybe it just illuminated the loneliness that was already there?
So my question, has anyone else experienced this and if so what do you make of it? Is this just the nature of the universe or my own fears??
I'm gonna leave a short intro about myself in the introductions thread but I really wanted to ask a specific question and see how my experience of Amanitas so far compares to others.
I have only done one hero dose, as part of a ceremony with my partner. We have both been microdosing for a week or so at that point but we both felt pulled to do a larger dose on 18th Dec.
Now I will be honest, I overdid it by accident. We made a tea with 30grams, we only drank maybe 2/3 of the total between us. HOWEVER, I had the idea that I didn't want to throw away the spent mushrooms ( I have a thing about waste, grew up in poverty and I hate wasting anything!). So I blended the soggy caps into fermented pancakes (similar to ethiopian Injera) and we snacked on these alongside the tea. At some point I decided I'd gotten what i wanted from the tea and I wasn't gonna drink anymore, but completely forgot the pancakes had the caps and continued eating these for the next day and a half. I lost track of time and reality quiet badly and attributed it to the come down or to fatigue. I tried to sleep it off, drink water and meditate but i just kept spiralling. All the while snacking on the pancakes
Then it happened, I entered the eternal void where a lonely god hallucinates and I felt myself as simply a distraction for a lonely insane god. i absolutely lost my mind, i had no idea how long i was there and no way out. Nothing was real, nothing could be real. I thought my life as i know it was over and I could never be myself again. sheer panic and confusion and daze, it was honestly horror. I just wanted to leave, i did not want to accept this as the truth no matter what but was trapped there. Eventually I told my partner what was happening in my head and asked him if I had lost it. This is when he reminded me I had been eating the caps in the pancakes and it was probably contributing to my spiralling. I had no recollection of putting the caps in the pancake mix but him reminding me jolted my memory and i felt so relieved that I wasn't crazy.
I've since started to integrate this with my therapist but I'm still left with a sense of deep loneliness or maybe it just illuminated the loneliness that was already there?
So my question, has anyone else experienced this and if so what do you make of it? Is this just the nature of the universe or my own fears??